dghf
also I found more quiz things on tumblr gonna do them for fun : D
Get to know me.
A) What does the last text you sent say? And to whom?
to the Fujo Think Tank group chat
B) What does the last text you recieved say? And from whom?
C) What time do you wake up most mornings?
it's always different adn depends on my sleep schedule sadly rn im waking up around 230-3pm on days off which really sucks since i also have to get up and go to school
im happiest waking up at like. 5-7am
D) Are you afraid of walking alone at night?
depends
E) What do you do to relax at the end of a stressful day?
playing videogame : ) or watch interesting youtube video/anime/etc.
F) Where did your last kiss take place and with whom?
: )
G) Do/did you get into trouble a lot at school?
I didn't actually, the worst I did was in high school I'd skip off or be a little wild but we all were wild and my grades have always been good.
H) Do you enjoy your job? If unemployed, are you content being so?
unemployed, technically i make money doing writing commissions on and off and I'm good with that but also it really sucks being unemployed AND a student. If I'm going to be working hard AND broke I'd rather just have all my time to do hobby stuff (aka NEET). But after this I'll hopefully land a really nice job
I) Do you often pick up on double entendres and innuendos?
yes
J) Have you ever been offered drugs but declined?
yes lol many times
K) Have you ever met someone who has completely altered your way of thinking?
many people : ) anyone who is important to me really, I really like to see and understand new perspectives, even if I don't 100% agree on a lot of things.
L) Have you ever been offered drugs and accepted?
yes but I don't really do that anymore : )
M) Tell us something weird that turns you on.
0 _ 0 just go to my AO3 I guess like vore prolly or like Final Fantasy protag armpit
N) When did someone last admit romantic or sexual feelings for you? Was the feeling mutual?
Whyyyyyyy do you wnna know
O) What is something you have given a lot of thought to lately?
The connection between Final Fantasy VII and X. Also school stuff and how I am dreading the month of March for personal reasons
P) When did you last swallow your beliefs to avoid an argument or confrontation?
on the daily my friend *blows my head off persona 3style*
Q) Do you usually initiate hugs?
with people i love yes : )
R) Are you a very affectionate person?
very but i get embarassed so im tsundere about it
S) Can you roll your own cigarettes?
yes when i was a kid i used to help my grandmother roll cigarettes a lot i dont smoke them though its a nice memory actually and i really love the smell
T) What are you looking forward to?
school to end. gettign to play FF8 again. having free time. the next time i can eat a potato
U) Do you have any tattoos. Do you want any/more?
yes i do and yes i want tons : ) i want afully finished sleeve on my arms someday
V) Are you mentally strong?
not really
W) Are you physically strong?
yes and no. bad at cardio, really good at strength training
X) Do you think you’re a good person?
probably not but im trying
Y) Name one thing you wish you could change about your life right now.
i live alone with ciel and j and no one bothers us or talks to us and i dont have to really leave my house unless its to go out and be alone in nature or do something quiet and nice. i dont have to talk to anyone who isnt ciel or j
Z) What do you usually eat for breakfast?
always switching things up i like overnight oats and recently ciel has been making me scrambled eggs with peas and leftover frozen ground beef and the green onion we grow on the window ledge and its really good. : ) with a little ketchup
-----
Food Survey
1. How do you feel about golden oreos?
do not like.
2. What is your favorite dessert topping?
canned cream
3. What is your favorite flavor/brand of bubble gum?
i used to really like that five gum in like middle school or whatever but idk i dont really chew gum
8. Best food to put cheese on?
anything with tomato in it
9. Best sexual food?
i guess whipped cream
10. Best tasting drink in the summer?
any iced tea
11. Best tasting drink in winter?
any hot tea
12. Best food for a night out with friends?
wings or nachos
13. Best foods to eat with a roll?
chicken
14. Messiest food, in your opinion?
tacos so i just mash them up and make taco salad if i eat them. i dont lke anything that i have to feel on my hands its yuck
15. Easist food to prepare?
bottled/canned meat
16. Cheapest food you ever ate?
everything i ate growing up. i guess game cos if you dont count hunting equipment costs its kind of free? kind of.
17. Most expensive food you ever ate?
caviar, lamb rack with mint jelly (both were gross sorry to say it)
18. Stinkiest food you ever ate?
blue cheese
19. Favorite dipping sauce?
honey garlic
20. Best pizza topping?
pineapple : ) or pepperoni
21. Favorite potato chip flavor?
all dressed , ketchup
22. Most toxic substance you ever ate?
mcodnald
23. Most calories you ate in one meal?
double bigmac large fries prolly
24. Favorite soda?
diet pepsi (its self harm)
25. Favorite flavor of juice?
iced tea counts right
26. Favorite Vegetable?
broccoli, green peas... red bell pepper, edamame
27. Favorite fruit?
grapes
28. Worst canned food?
mushy green peas
29. Best side dish?
salad
30. Worst fast food restuarant?
a lot of them are pretty bad
31. Best restaurant?
i really like this one sushi place and also i like fancy steakhouses
32. Best smelling food?
fried bread, bread in general
33. Favorite appetizer?
calamari
34. Favorite cookie flavor?
white chocolate macadamian nut
35. Favorite cake flavor?
ummm.. black forest probably
36. Favorite pie flavor?
lemon meringue
37. Chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?
rainbow are more fun
38. Ketchup or Mustard? KETCHUP omg
39. Best food to have on a date?
something not messy or slurpy. probably like french fries or something i guess? it depends on if its a first date. if its a normal date with someone i love then and am not insecure of looking weird while i chew then anything goes : )
40. Most share-able food?
anything can be shared if you really like someone : )
---
BOLD what applies to you. I have driven a manual/stick shift car. (once, never again) I have gotten so drunk I passed out.
I have smoked more than ten cigarettes in a day.
I have worn a bikini/speedos on the beach. I have kissed someone I shouldn't have.
I have had a conversation with a celebrity. (who counts for this one) I have done drugs.
I have been to Paris. I have been to LA.
I have been to New York. I have been to London.
I have been to Rome.
I have been to Madrid.
I have been to Tokyo.
I have friends who I am attracted to. (my friends are cutiecute) I have friends who are attracted to me. I have friends who do hard drugs.
I have friends who have been to jail. (i hope not 0 - 0)
I have friends who are old enough to be my parents.
I have friends who are married.
I have friends who have children of their own.
I have friends who work in finance/business.
I have friends who are chefs/bakers/butchers etc.
I have friends who are actors/musicicans/famous. I have friends who are artists. I have friends who live more than 500 miles away. I have friends who have seen me naked.
I have friends who have never seen me without makeup.
Love,
Sephi
uhghinioooooooooooooooooooooohhhh (unintelligible mooing like a cow rn)
talking to my friend whom I always call Rattie (affectionately) about some things this evening/morning. Catching up on some fanfic my friends posted.
Speaking of my friend's fics: Check out Girls on Film by ratConnoisseur it's fucked up. Harapan/vomit/pissing yourself it's all here.
I need to message Serena back but I haven't been messaging anyone back recently. My sister got kind of upset about it. Everyone assumes I've killed myself if I don't answer a text in x amount of time because they have a really low opinion of me and what I am capable of. I'm stressed because of school yes but I'm a lot better now than I used to be and sometimes I just don't want to hold my cellphone or look at my cellphone or even acknowledge that I have one. Sometimes I don't want to live in this world and I just want to be alone. Most often, I want to talk to no one, I want to just do my little creative projects, reflect on or research things and study for pleasure, or just... I don't know. *sighs*
It's hard to explain but I know if you're reading this then you get what I mean. I don't belong here, like temporarily speaking. I find ways to make myself feel more... comfortable, I guess. You know, working out, adjusting my enviroments, being picky and choosy about all the elements that make up the design of my life.
However...
It doesn't change the fact that mentally my reality is somewhere in the distant past--one I acknowledge and understand is imaginary and rose-tinted (and that is a huge understatement). And it makes me feel old and maladjusted. And it makes it hard to make new friends or talk to anyone who isn't dialed in to the Sephiria station. I have so much lore. I have so much going on, even in my own head. I know J and Ciel keep up but it's mostly because they live with me and HAVE to deal with it I think. But also we all felt that same way before we even met of "oh fuck, I don't belong here. Time is marching forward and I'm left behind. I don't understand the train reality is taking. I don't know where to slot myself...." etc.
It's challenging because I know so much more now than I ever had (I mean, I guess that's true for anyone at any point. But I've had a lot of growth in the past 2-3 years especially). I've made peace with a lot of things. I feel more stable and secure now that I ever had. I'm mostly sober now which is pretty amazing. I have more good days than bad days despite what I convince myself of on said bad days.
But it's just like... wrong place, wrong time. It genuinely hurts my brain to be around the public or to see advertisements or even have to try and hold a conversation with people who are like OK with whatever has been presented as 'normal'. It's not normal. You're not normal. But... they are normal. They're the normal ones. I'm the freak.
When I cocoon myself, it all feels right even if it's fleeting. Even if I am just so carefully choreographing my realtiy, cutting out the mold... I still feel that brief sense of peace until something else jostles me out of it and I spring back into twenty twenty three. And oh yeah, it's marching forward. I still write down 2016 in margins from time to time, thinking that even that number is too high. And it's not just the year because it's more than that. And I'm not scared of aging or dying either really, well yes I am scared of it in a religion sense, in a demonic sense, in a I have made the wrong choices sense, but I'm not scared of the physical act itself or the inevitable destiny of it all.
I just wish I wasn't so gaslit by everything and everyone.
There is a war for your mind and your soul and your heart too.
I just stay in my own lane. I mind my own business. The sun just rose and its casting this really pretty orange through my grandmothers curtains. I thought I'd mention that. It's really nice.
People are really weird. I feel mean for feeling that. I feel cruel for saying that I'm not interested in it. Because I also know that... I am? I want friends like me. I love J and Ciel for who they are how they are like.. .from the same star but also unique from me and they have things to teach me as well.
I push myself out of my comfort zone with this a lot by saying 'yes' to things and talking to people I don't want to and doing things I don't want to, trying to understand things etc. This doesn't really do much though. My number one fantasy is the dream I have of my home that I'll build that's far away from everyone. I watch over the house, I manage it and protect it and me and my found family are left totally and completely alone from the rest of the world. I can't wait. Everything I do right now is for that dream.
Including school. Which I am. Up right now unable to sleep because I'm stressing tf out over the amount of work I'm going to have to put in tomorrow/today.
I'll be able to do it in a few hours its just annoying. It's all so fake. Most of my professors don't even know what they are talking about. Yet they teach it. My Geography class isn't even about Geography. LOL.
Anyway....
I'm thinking a lot about Final Fantasy X not entirely sure why but I guess that part doesn't really matter.
I'm really fixated on Final Fantasy in general again. Isn't it funny, my fixations come in seasons?
I should start charting it out. But I've begun to notice it. I don't do it intentionally at all.
I'm sure that people have pinpointed the connections between Jenova and Lady Yunalesca?
I tried to google it but can't find anything other than one youtube video that I don't really want to watch so I'll just babble here a little about something on my mind.
Uh spoilers for X and VII warning you now *bows in apology*
So we have like confirmation that Spira is linked to Gaia. Basically, they are two planets in the same system. Shinra is a character in FFX-2, descendants of his eventually travel to Gaia. X is supposed to take place prior the events of VII which makes total sense to me and for my theory.
A few important references:
1) Gaia is monotheistic until post-ShinRa influence or their totalitarianism control. (evidence in two pasts novel)
2) Connection between the Farplane and the Lifestream---maybe all planets in this universe all have a similar system? Or is it the technology/practices of people that cause this to exist??
A conversation to consider from FFX-2:
Shinra: "Aha..."
Yuna: "What are you looking at?"
Shinra: "Farplane data.
Shinra: "The more I study it, the more fascinating it gets. There's limitless energy swirling around in there."
Yuna: "Limitless energy?"
Shinra: "The life force that flows through our planet...I think."
Shinra: "With a little work, we could probably extract the energy in a useable form."
Brother: "Sweet!"
Shinra: "Of course, that'd take generations."
Brother: "That's no fun!"
Buddy: "Well, still, it is something worth shooting for."
Yuna: "Think how much Spira would change if we ever got it to work!"
Yuna: "Maybe one day we could build a city full of light, one that never sleeps!"
Shinra: "No doubt about it."
Yuna: "Just imagine."
Yuna: "But I'll never get to see it... will I..."
Brother: "Shinra! Don't make Yuna sad!"
Shinra: "Right. My bad."
We also know that unsent souls can continue to linger and exist, maintain wills, turn into fiends, etc. Auron was capable of a great deal---we also know this for Aerith who, unlike Auron does not physically manifest, but she still continues to have a sentience and an ability to communicate and affect characters (which is claimed to be because she is Cetra BUT we also see the impact of Zack as well, particularly in Advent Children and while one could argue this is solely Cloud's grief or his fixation on Zack, I believe Zack is important on his own sake outside of *solely* Cloud's feelings). Sephiroth could be considered an 'unsent soul' as he is "dead" but continues to manifest himself. We can view this in a similar way to how Lady Yunalesca was able to remain in her station as "high summoner" for all of those years.
Anyway, I could really go on about this far too long I'll try to wrap up.
So what I'm getting at. TLDR.
We know that Lady Yunalesca is defeated by Yuna. Then, in X-2, Yunalesca has become a fiend of some kind from ? remanifesting? even though Yuna had apparently sent her. (trying to explain it)
What if this Yunalesca, the 'unsent' or fiend Yunalesca, is the being that falls from the heavens? Perhaps some combination of wills between her and Sin itself.
similarities: snake features/abilities. I believe that the summons a summoner uses in X is the narrative way to express the kind of character they are, the dreams that they have, their inner minds... like how Yuna's first is Valefor, a bird and Seymour's is a chained, beast of it's own suffering..
yunalesca's mentality, her beliefs, particularly if you combine her will with that of Sin
her need for partnership, her completion in a second, male half who is a sacrifice or vessel for her power/goals
Listen I'm going to need to replay the games for this to hold any merit but right now it's just cool to think about. I haven't played X in a really long time. I miss it. I think I'd get so much more out of it now that I know more about things. But yeah, this theory is just a crack theory so don't hate on me, ok?
I think that's enough for now.... changing the layout was a good idea I am already writing a lot more. : )
Here's this MySpace quiz thingy I found I'm gonna do it all cos it's like 4AM and I'm just feeling it
Name Your Favorite...
Place: Secret Location... but it's by the ocean and far away from people and cities
Color: Pink, Silver, Purple
Food: Addicted to boba rn it's bad.
Smell: On others-Strawberry.... in general-Frankincense
Book: The Bible
Movie: American Psycho
2001: a Space Odyssey
FFVII: Advent Children
Jingle All The Way
The Matrix
Bladerunner
Harry Potter films
Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
The Princess Bride
Angel's Egg
Music artist: goreshit
mindless self indulgence
aphex twin
dj technorch
linkin park
golden boy
machine girl
$waggot
Queens of the Stone Age
t.a.T.u
Three days grace
Deftones
CJ Bolland
Evanescence
Genre of music: VGM, Electronic music in general
Genre of literature: Religion or purely academic reading... a lot of other reading is insufferable
Magazine: I used to really like Electronic Gaming Monthly
Texture: Real fur/real leather. Like my moccasins : D
Time of day: Early morning when I can be alone : )
Thing to do when bored: Play a good videogame esp a 3DS one for some reason it is the perfect level of stimulation. or work on website
Celebrity: eyeroll
i dunno i guess LittleKuriboh? if he counts.
Class in school: Art, Law or History
Website other than Tumblr: Neocities : ) ok but um... Neopets is the real answer.
Drink: Milk Tea (Assam or just Orange Pekoe. Ialso like Earl Grey)
Precious stone: opalite
Animal: unicorns (but also foxes, big cats and big dogs)
Flower: bleeding heart
Time in history: if i could time travel i would go back to the late 80s go til 2010 and loop around again and again
in general though to research i think everything pre-1900 is really interesting. But around the time of the Old Testament to New is really interesting
Font: i love comic sans ms
Video game: too manysorry. pokemon i think in terms of just core mechanics at a base level. as a whole
TV show: i like anime that makes me cry and is cute or romatnic. also i like king of the hill and trailer park boys
Sound: rain/ocean
Fruit: strawberry, grape (does dates count as a fruit i dont know)
Vegetable: broccoli, green peas
Store/shop: dinky old used game stores that are held together by a prayer
Article of clothing you own: this sweater
Fashion/style: basic but gothic lolita still looks as it did to me when i was 10yrs old loving on it
Pattern: gingham
Historical figure: Jesus of Nazareth
Boy's name: ok these answers are gonna be for puppy dogs now cos its easier.
Big dog: Prince, Knight, BabyCake
Little dog: Destroyer of Worlds, Nightmare Vonn Bloodbatherson
Girl's name: Big Dog or Small dog her name is Lady or Baby or Princess . something cute. Shes always a good girl and I love her even though i dont know her yet.
Potato chip flavor: all dressed
Ice cream flavor: strawberry cheesecake
Soda: diet pepsi (i dont let myself drink this because it is toxic chemical poison soup. it is self harm)
Season: fall-winter
Month of the year: december
Word: pii(sound pichu makes) or pap or some other vocal stim
Disney princess: mulan (lets go lesbians)
YouTube channel: here are some random suggestions from people i m subscribed to: million dollar extreme tv (love nicks house review streams recently) lispeaks (interesting topics, nice personality) Gen3Hunter (really good shiny hunter, does not scream) mylifeingaming (so informative, so comfy) videogamedunkey (funny donkey) martincabelloiii7446 aka Martin Cabello III (i love him so much) TheElectricUnderground (everything you ever wanna know about STGs is here) mr.gentleman2358 (the best JRPG history series on youtube imo) LuckySparkles (one of my fave shiny hunters) JennyNicholson (for when you want someone to infodump to youin the best way) Connor O'Malley (insane . good. comedy) AbsolBlogsPokemon (really understands teh appeal of pokemon, makes it magic) 4-8 Productions (cute ff7 streamer) AVGN (never forget your roots) johnkostik3607 (really cool bible lore) Robert Sepehr (world is cooler than you know) LittleKuriboh (who would i be without this) gamesack (high production value, cozy) UltraHealthyVideoGameNerd (just a really cute guy i really like him) HappyConsoleGamer (really nostalgic for me, grew up watching him and now he's had a kid etc. its just nice butalso weird to see..) Malindachan (Cute cosplayer fun.. nostalgic) Demyx Time (its just... so good... takes me right back. I loved this at the time and still love it now)
also worth noting you can watch Antiques Roadshow for free on youtube its really good background noise
Eye color: blue are pretty
Dessert: cheesecake
Candy: Toffifee, livewires
Restaurant: steakhouses
Language: my native language
Thing to learn about: christianity
Thing about yourself: determined when i want to be
Well, hello there! I have been neglecting this because I *also* don't like the current layout of this area. The entire site is kind of driving me nuts. I've been brainstorming how to fix this and I do have *something* of a plan. Ciel said she would help draw the elements of it and J is going to help me figure out the basecode. Once this is implemented, I feel that working on my website will be a heck of a lot less overwhelming to work on. Right now, it's a mess I am completely unsatisified with that genuinely makes me panic to just be on. The organization does not work, things are all over the place... ugh. Drives me wack.
I'm hoping to simplify this journal down as well so that adding updates and entires is an easier process. I have been being a little bad with my phyiscal IRL journal as well in maintaining it, and I feel like if I had a way to make faster, easier journal entries I could get a lot more written about here. This is an archive for myself mostly. I try to censor myself everywher else on the Internet but no one is reading this other than me so I feel like it's a good placce to throw it all out there.
In terms of what's new...
My classes for school are more organized now, which is both good and bad. Annoying mostly. Valentine's Day came and went and it was really nice to celebrate that with J and Ciel. I saw family a few times. I find this really disorganizes me and makes me feel very unstable. But I feel like a bad person for saying that.
In my free time I've been trying my best to do as many of the dozens of Feb's fanfiction events but in the end I wasn't able to do all of them. I want to write more than I do... my stress levels have been really high so it's been difficult to push myself harder than I do already. I'm happy that I was able to finish any work this month.
I also have been playing a ton of the 3DS, just ping ponging around... it is super relaxing and helpful. I've been playing a lot of Theatrythm on both the 3DS and I preordered Final Bar Line (I got to the end credits of both)... like I said, it's super relaxing so I view it as a tool to destress at the end of my day.
As a family, me Ciel and J have been playing through Final Fantasy 8 and we are really enjoying it. We got to disc 2 last night. So exciting. I really like Seifer, he's sooooo cute. I didn't think I would think this but I do. I want to adopt him... he's a little knight. Moe.
Something memorable about our playthrough is, we went to the Tomb of the Unknown King and you have to follow this strange map. The dungeon is really hard to navigate. Ciel was determined to look all around after we'd found the lost weapon, thinking she could save the student. When she was looking around she was able to develop a strategy to make it to all the rooms and areas. J helped and they found out a way to lower the water level, we found the summon Brothers which was adorable. One of them SPEAKS IN ALL CAPS because he's big and the other speaks in all lower case cos he's small. But the tiny one is the big brother. XD
We are playing without a guide or any knowledge on it really, making mistakes or playing in a less optimal way prolly and missing secrets but it makes moments like that feel like SUCH victories and also just like... idk... I didn't expect it all so we were all excited about it busting lauging. We were able to clear the dungeon and got a new friend out of it to join our GFs : )
Something funny was, in the battle, Zell used haste. So we were imagining he was cracked out or took a Red Bull or something. The boss, Brothers, they have regen abilities as long as they are rooted to the ground. So we had to caste float. The animation for float shows wings and then the character gets to hover in the air. So we made a ton of jokes about how Red Bull Gives You Wings and how Zell was throwing Red Bull at the enemy to give them wings... or something... lol.
Yesterday night we took some coke which is a once in a blue moon type of deal for us. Ciel hadn't tried it yet so it was really funny. I had this master plan that we were gonna marathon 8 and get super far. But uhhh... we were way too off our asses to do much of anything. It happened pretty fast. It took me forever to play the boss fight before the scene where Squall is like slowly dangling across that like.. uh... beam or whatever. In the jail like you're escaping it but its underground or moving or whatever. Man I don't know how to explain it LOL. Anyway, i like that my household is a Final Fantasy Fan household and we are all int into it hardcore : ) it's my childhood dream but *REAL*. I'm blessed and really lucky.
I wish I could remember more but I don't know if I can my head kinda still hurts from crashing from drugs. Again, I don't do that stuff often at all anymore. I used to be such a tank for it. I just use it on special occassions. We made a big huge fort in the living room since we have a few days off fo the weekend from school so I considered that a special occassion : )
Oh yeah, I ship Strifehart cos I always did but I think I might like Seifer/Squall idk tho the torture scene was really cute. Seifer being all ohh I'm a good puppy am I doing a goodjob being EVIL did you think I looked really cool. It's always been my dream to be mommydommed and also have a super cool rival. Swear your undying rivalry to me ok let's be the best rivals ever I'm so committed to tormenting you. (so cute. so cute. so cute) I'm a rival KNIGHT.... .. . .. . . .. . . .(le Morte D'arthur got me ruined for Knights and shit that stuff is mad sexual)
This months video. The RSE sound effects kill me.
Lots of love,
Sephi
oh yeah, ps. look what I found:
it's my old marriage certificate!! I had to edit it so that it didn't dox my IRL name butyeah... I know I have one two years older than this at least but.. that was cool tofind... : ) <3
