I've had a lot on the go which has prevented me from really working on this site as much as I would really like to. I still have a hundred million billion ideas, but I can't implement them when I'm waiting on the layout update and trying to wrap my brain around it. IRL life has been really busy, my anxiety has been pretty out of wack as well which.. does not help
I think we might be getting a car soon, hopefully. A hyundai I believe, it looks pretty cool. Not having a car and living in the city has been driving us crazy. I miss trees and the ocean especially. It feels so weird. I kind of start to go insane without being able to at least *see* nature.
J is still in treatment. I miss her and it feels weird without having her home. I'm having a lot of fun (the best that I can with my anxiety) with Ciel and I'm accomplishing what I need to accomplish, but having part of my family missing is sad. J doesn't call very often to let us know how things are going and has transfered units a few times. Sometimes she calls and is really happy sounding and it seems like her treatment is going good but other times she calls and it's worrying because she sounds really sad and she says it's really hard and difficult on her. I really worry about it. I want her to be safe/happy and doing what she needs to do. But, honestly, my expierences with the mental health system where I live is nowhere near as positive as what kind of treatment plan she is on currently and I am projecting some trauma onto her when I worry so deeply for her. I guess I just wish she'd call and keep us in the loop more. When we try to call her, it just doesn't connect. Frustrating...
Me and Ciel came down with covid for the first time so that blew 2 weeks of time away from us. I couldn't do anything at all I got a lot more sick than she did but both of us could hardly move or think. For the worst of it I couldn't even watch anime or youtube videos I just had to sit up in the one armchair we have and try to breathe. I'd get cold chills and then really insane fevers. It was really gross. But at the same time, I'm glad that Ciel was home to go through it with me because I would have *never* gotten through it without her. There were some funny times too, we were watching a bunch of Sonic X and once I started to feel good enough to watch TV I basically binge watched a ton of anime on my backlog. I watched and finished a bunch of stuff that has been on my On Hold list for years: Full Moon wo Sagashite, Pripara, Yu-Gi-Oh GX, Kasumin, Comsic Baton-chan, Outlaw Star...
Currently, me and Ciel are going through 5DS which is just... oh my God SO GOOD!!! No one tells you how genuinely good it is. Like ok, GX is incredibly good but it's also ridiculous. Duel Monsters is great but it's very much an anime like it's loopy and fun and goofy. But here 5DS comes in and it comes in hot and strong and feeling like a movie like freaking Bladerunner or something with the execution and payoff and the character developments... peoples decks MEAN something now, every character you end up liking or enjoying in some format. Aki's deck is just so amazing to me and Lua and Luca are so cute. Kind of multishipping everyone with Yusei cos Yusei is such ahottie and reminds me a lot of CLoud strife.... hmh....h...h..
Before we got sick with covid ( we caught it when my mom and my aunt came into town and we were doing a bunch of stuff to entertain them) Ciel had gotten us to the final boss fight of Final Fantasy 8... Ultimecia's Tower. We bought this like bucket of candy from teh gas station for it and stuff and this CRAZY 8 Scratch ticket (won 30$ on that btw) for it. We were gearing up to beat it but then couldn't face the boss fight cos we had to do other stuff and it was super late at night. SO we expected we were gonna play it but THEN we got super sick. Once we were able to be concious we tried it.. and oh my gosh guys.. Ultimecia is not fucking around. She has. 5 phases. ANd you have to just boss rush it. And she blows away your cards and if that's one you have junctioned so be it. And if you die you can get blasted away, forgotten in time. Even if you think you have a second for your turn sometimes you just don't and this lil cherub comes and absorbs your much needed party member. Well, Ciel has been the one playing this leg of the game and I've been mostly watching with the exception of Cactuar Island and the Odin subquest. And Ciel spent legit an entire week trying to freaking beat Ultimecia, to the point where she had the strategy locked down. I think we both have learned how to perfectly play the battle system now. Finally, when it was getting wayyyyyyyy to frustrating, Ciel beat the boss and we were treated to the few cutscenes at the end of the game and the ambigious ending...
I must say, I really, really enjoyed 8. I grew really attached to the characters and I will always be thinking about them now. But man, a LOT of plot holes and unanswered questions. I'll have to write a lot of fix it fic at some point. It's the common syndrome with a lot of Playstation games. It's not as heartbreaking as Xenogears (with the sheer volume of what was lost) but since I was so invested and was desperate for answers, it does feel *kind of * sad. But I think like that's def a me problem of being hyperinvested and being the type of person to over explain things and think on things ummm... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too deeply.
I reconnected with some friends this month whihc was nice. I've been talking to Eris a lot more and we made plans to watch Inazuma 11. Serena is doing good recently, a lot in her life is changing but she's taking it in stride and I'm really proud of her ^^. I reconnected with Simi who I really missed and it's nice seeing updates on how life is going for them. I reached out to Hayden and it's been really, really nice to talk again and to know nobody hates me (why do I always think everyone hates me???)
It feels really stressful to have had so much time taken from us when I really wanted to go out and do stuff and take care of myself better. I have a huge backlog of creative projects, a bunch of fics I want to update. I started a script fic collab thing with Ciel which has been fun but during covid we lost hte ability to sing so we had to pause it. Again, like I always say, I'm hoping to update my longfic but I have to map a bunch of stuff out again and re-reading my old work is sooo embarrassing. Despite being sick, I handed in my work and made the deadlines for my Final Fantasy Fanthology zine I made it into. I still have to apply for the 7/Pokemon zine but I don't know I just might not be able to commit to it now with everything going on. I'd love to open commissions but my brain feels so cloudly and foggy it's so hard to think at all really. But I'm getting everything done as much as I can each day. It just sucks that it feels like a lot of days this month I just could not do anything at all.
Money is really stressful...
The next game we will play will be Final Fantasy 9. Not sure when but at some point. I have no interest in modern games (especially stuff like Legend of Zelda it is like not even the same series anymore at all).
Oh yeah, I've been playing a lot of Neopets too (mindless entertainment). I managed to get a lend for an avatar I really, really wanted for some time now. ta-dahhhhhh~
I know more stuff happened this month but that's really all I can think of right now. I just wanted to throw some of my feelings out there for future me to read and reflect on. I think I'm most annoyed right now that I'm on summer break but i just can't seem to relax like at all. I really want to relax. LOL.
This months video. I dunno I can't stop singing it it's really good. Little Squidward he is So Awesome.
