Happy Birthday to me!!!! ^^
For a lot of reasons, this birthday feels strange and a little sad because of everything changing, being lost, etc. but.. I have Ciel and she makes me so so happy and you have to count your blessings and appreciate the people that are there for you. I'm very lucky to have her in my life and she has made today very special so far. When I think of everyone that has hurt and mistreated me, I just think about how it was all worth it if it meant I got to meet her and be with her.
She decorated the living room for me while I was having a nap, and it looks SO CUTE.

Having a partyyyyyyyyy... a party for two!!! Top tier design sensibilities.... to be expected of my loyal knight
We are going to watch some Strawberry Panic episodes, eat some chinese food later tonight and idk what else. I would love to play a bit of Final Fantasy II more, I think that would really be the perfect way to end everything. The GameCube launch is at 5 or 6pm EST and I'm really looking forward to playing a ton of Pokemon Channel and Colosseum, especially since Ciel hasn't played them and they were SO special to me so I'm excited to share that intimate part of myself and my imagination with her. What I do know is that I have my phone set so I will not have to deal with my family and hopefully we get left alone for the day to just enjoy the things that matter to us and each other. This will be the last year that we are in this weird world and situation, and hopefully next year I'll have made it to where I want to be. That or I will be free from this world completely so it really is a win win however you want to look at it.

I want to thank everyone here that I've met and those that I haven't yet met, for being so kind to me despite all my flaws and weirdness, it really has meant a lot to me in these difficult times.
Anyway.... the end of the month is coming soon and I'm determined to make this year be really, really good. For me and for Ciel. : ) <3


UPDATE UM SOMETHING CRAZY HAPPENED... I'LL POST MORE ABOUT IT AT A LATER DATE BUT.. WOW...... WOWWWWW.. its good, its really good.

Also I wanted to add this picture Ciel drew me of Sefikura playing ponies together cos it is really, really cute and I'm not sure where it is going to have a home on my website (yet).

I miss my friend so much and I'm so sad about how things have gone and I'm sad about how difficult everything is and what it has turned into, we promised we would be a team and I want that to be true and I want things to be better. I hope at the very least you remember me sometimes, think of me sometimes at least, and that you didn't just throw me away like everyone else when I wasn't what you wanted me to be, when I couldn't be good enough anymore. I hope that I am more than just a scar you hate. But maybe it is easier for you to forget me because in the end you realize you never liked me anyway. I wouldn't erase you from my life, not after all we have been through over nearly a decade, but it seems like you have scrubbed me clean from yours like I was a embarrassing, dirty spot that did nothing but itch and annoy you.
You are the first person that I ever said goodbye to knowing it might really, really be goodbye forever, even though I didn't want that to be true.
I really never wanted it to be like this and I hope that it doesn't have to be this hard, or sad. I want to be friends with you like we were before, and I want you to be happy, and live the life you want to live, but I'm scared you have become someone who will never remember me or how we were important to each other.

My dad is in town and I am avoiding him and doing tierlists instead. Hehe.
Flonne made a fanlisting for Bakemono/Story of Seasons which is super mega cute and you should join it and check it out!!!

Anyway that is where I found these tierlists and I decided to put them here so that REAL FANS can discuss the very important subject of Story of Seasons Bachelors and Bachelorettes and the games in general.


Let us begin...
So my first Bakemono game was A Wonderful Life and although a lot people have issuse with that game (which, I defintely understand now), I loved it and still love it and always will love it. I lived in Forget-Me-Not-Valley. That was REAL. There are a few games in my collection and in my life that I get the itch to replay on a four year routine give or take. Sometimes more often, depending on what is going on. The list is a bit longer but what I am saying is that Wonderful Life is one of those games that calls my name. It's strange that there is a kind of biorhythm clock to it, like I will just feel the call in my soul to play it around March-April. Animal Crossing: Population Growing! is usually January.
I do prefer the female character, playing as her and I love the improvements that Another Wonderful Life brings but the choices of your husband is abysmal. Truly blackpilling to 10 year old me. Wow. An ancient hippie, a guy who looks like my uncle and the manchild who looks like Justin Bieber before I decided or even knew about him (let us not discuss that here). My irrational hatred for Rock could be studied.

I was forced to marry him. Can you blame me? If you really, really squint, he can be a butch lesbian and you can try to pretend everything he says is NOT annoying. Difficulty challenge: impossible. Imagine being me, no Internet, loving A Wonderful Life and all of my beautiful wives... oh Muffy... oh Cecilia... how great thou art.... beautiful, wonderful ladies. I will protect you. Driving home from an outing in the city. You're me here, so I need to stress how important this is. You're in your dads car. He got you this game you wanted and he didn't make fun of you for it like everyone else. There's a girl on the cover. Another Wonderful Life... what will happen? How could it be even better than the first? Will we learn more about the world or the characters? All you can do it turn the box around back and forth in your hands and read the manual and wonder. This will be the only game you will get for the next six to seven months so it better be good.

Anyway, for all my bitching and whining, I actually did like Another Wonderful Life but when I play it now I just play the boy version. There's some mods to reskin the boy into being a woman and that works enough for me. I keep meaning to play the PS2 version, because there's stuff with Lumina in it, but the graphics look different in the PlayStation engine, it is a bit jarring for me. I'll get to it eventually.

As for everything else on my list, GBA was my second Harvest Moon which I got just so I could see beyond the mountain. It felt like an impossible game to me and was my introduction to what Bakemono is actually like. I grew to love it a lot. I played more of the DS version and that version btw is just crazy in how FULL it is. Full of options and things to do... I got Magical Melody as an Easter present from my mom and I remember laying in the top bunk of my bunkbed and playing it for eight hours straight eating nothing but the easter chocolates I got... there was this chocolate then, that was like... it came in a little lilac purple carton, with four individually wrapped eggs. In the middle of the carton was a plastic lilac spoon and the eggs had like a dent on the top of its hard chocolate shell. Inside was this mousse it was SO GOOD. Two eggs would be white mousse and two would be chocolate. Anyway, it was epic, me and my stuffed animals thought that Magical Melody was absolutely hilarious. It was like... so derpy compared to the other Story of Seasons games I had played. And the items.. I don't know why but one of your magic items the game wants you to carry around is a pedometer. It just struck me as so funny. There's something about the blobby chibis that lends itself to feeling really comical even though it isn't supposed to be, and that makes it more funny. Like there's a minigame I am remembering where you are climbing up a mountain dramatically it seems very high stakes and like kind of life or death (in context) but then you are basically an adult baby squirming up the cliff like a worm. Even the town doctor is just a big fat baby. I dunno. Lots of happy memories with Magical Melody but it just is on crack to me.

By the time that the Wii era of games were releasing, I was older, like an early/late teen, so I played them at launch and enjoyed them but it was in a different way. I remember reading fanfiction and writing fanfiction and deciding all the lore for the characters in an extremely involved way and taking everything very personally. I was at just the right moment for Rune Factory, and in my honest opinon I think Rune Factory is the place I enjoy the most of the entire franchise and would recommend those objectively. The problem with the Wii era games, which I hope is fixed with emulation, is the fact that the loading screens... oh they are SO long. It isn't bad if you are playing one hour sessions, but I play Story of Seasons like a real freak and I play in 6+ hour sessions so the loading screens make you go a bit nuts after a while as you do your dailies. You end up being like, well, I'm not going to go raise my friendship points with X because they're on a different screen, and I can't go to the mines even though I have the energy to because that would be two loading screens...

I do think that the Wii era nailed it though. And Rune Factory Oceans is another game that was magical at the time and still feels magical. Voice acting kind of makes it weird though but you have to have the right sort of headspace I think... if you grow up with bad anime dubs it helps. It was insane to me to have Rune Factory on my PS3. I loved my PS3. So much... and that is how I ended up playing Innocent Life because I bought it off the marketplace and I really was let down by that, I had built it up really high though and had wanted to play it for years and years so realistically I don't think it could have lived up to the hype I imagined. (At that point I had been reading gaming magazines and things like that, so I had a lot of opinions on things and expectations, and you couldn't emulate PS2 yet so there was no real way to try it out easily).

Someday I hope to play every game in the franchise and I will do that but I think I will play through the games I love again before I do that, because the GameCube is getting a RetroAchievements launch on my birthday : ) Happy birthday to meeeee.. It will be so stellar to play Wonderful Life and Magical Melody and try to 100% the achievement set... I love doing that... so cozy.. so fun...


Psychoanalyze THIS

Ok I gotta go actually even though I wanted to talk about this more cos I need to make coffee for my beautifu lgiurlfriend and have lunch bye bye xoxoxo everyone

Hello again~

I was playing a bit of the Neopets plot and felt like writing an entry. I'm sorting through all of the things I need to do today and finally (after the craziness of the past few days) I've been able to tend to a few digital tasks. Like checking on Colors TCG and doing some longer Neopets dailies. I am glad that Neopets is finally doing a plot arc, don't get me wrong, but I have found that Neopets events always tend to happen around points of my life where I am extremely busy. So that. Is something.

Anyway, making time to do it has been nice. I need to finally work on my Neopets pages and update all their ref sheets. They're ok, but I would redo parts of it now, I think. But I am so focused on ponies.. I don't want to... LOL.

Speaking of horses.

There's a new pony show coming out soon called Wild Manes and I'm really excited about it. I really don't like how there are Influncer Ponies now in both MLP and its contemporaries but what can you do, modern media for children is full of that type of thing. Sadly!
That complaint aside, I think that it looks promising. I really like the naturally toned ponies with more horse-like bodies. The bright colored manes are fun. I will be watching it when it launches and then I will see what I think overall, but until then I am very optimisitic. I love watching stuff as it airs. I was gonna do that with the current season of PreCure but things got away from me. I'm still wading through Delicious PreCure. Another task to complete when the freedom of August comes rolling in.

Fun fact, you can still get an autographed copy of Ken Penders Lara-Su Chronicles. I hope I get some flow of income soon because that would be great to add to my collection of weird and wonderful objects.
There was also an opportunity I missed (because money has been extremely tight recently with all the expenses of moving) where the voice actor of Roche from the Final Fantasy VII Remake was signing prints. They were yaoi prints too of Roche/Cloud which is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cuteness... haoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo............
Anyway I regret not jumping for it but realistically I couldn't do it. Hopefully I will have another chance. A similar thing happened too with a YouTuber I have watched for a long time, they were selling autographed stuff and I didn't realize before it was all sold out. I make it sound like I have a lot of autographed stuff and I actually don't have anything autographed so maybe that is why I am so OHHHH and AHHH about it. This will not be a problem once I move for reals (this move is just for temporarys).
I could put this into spell check I have the power to do so but i don't want to so I am not going to and honestly I think typos add character, don't you? I frequently make the same typos and I never ever learn and in lieu of actually being able to see my physical handwriting you can see all of the words I refuse to learn how to spell properly. Bear witness to the way I torture grammar and proper punctuation into doing my bidding regardless of the rules.
> be me
> minor in english
> still can't spell or use proper punctuation
i blame the Internet and also the government and the Michealsoft foundation especially

Writing a lot of entries this month!!
I think it is mostly because I easily make habits and now it is just a habit to have Neocities open and I do one or two things every day even if it is just really small stuff.

Good news: we got a place lined up to live starting August 1st! Thank GOD. It was really stressful wrangling everything but I think this place looks really promising. The landlady seemed really nice and upstairs a nice older lady will be living and she said she even wants to get chickens so then we get to enjoy chickens without having to manage them. We have had to do a lot of thinking of how to downsize everything and what we will keep, sell, toss, etc. and it is all the more complicated because we want to leave enough stuff for the people staying here (long story). Anyway, I sent the damage deposit today so it is official and one less thing I need to worry about.

My birthday is soon which is pretty weird to think about. It has been such a whirlwind that it doesn't really feel true. Time feels all messed up.
I spent most of the day fussing over the art I'm working on for Lovesick, I want it to be good enough and I tried two or three different ideas before I could finally settle on something. I was hoping to have it done before I went to sleep tonight, so that I could have all of my list complete for who I wanted to attack this season of Artfight, but instead I got the lineart done and most of the flat coloring. So that's alright, I can do the rest tomorrow while Ciel is at work (at probably her last shift as Elsa... who would have thought).

I can't really remember what else has been happening because it has been so weird and stressful. Oh I tried that McDonalds sauce and I don't get the hype it wasn't even really mid.
Ciel has been showing me Parks and Rec because she liked that show and we made it a Final Fantasy VII AU which really enhances it and each day we watch an episode or so. I don't really watch TV much, I mostly just listen to stuff in the background because quiet makes me nervous. So, it is rare that I actually stop and watch anything, usually we just watch an episode or two with breakfast or something. Hard to believe I used to be able to get up and watch anime all day until I fell asleep in my chair sitting up. But also I was smoking a lot of (really good) weed then amongst other things so I think I prolly could have watched keys jingle and have been happy.

The new chapter of my life is coming. This will be the last move I make in this place and then, potentially, I only have to move two more times before I am moving into *MY* house. Can you imagine... I hope I get to do it someday. Everything feels like it might as well be one million dollars and impossible.
Ta-ta for now~

Short entry today because I'm feeling lazy (and working on Artfight stuff)...
My order from Princepuca came in the mail!!! I was so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o(〃＾▽＾〃)o< this is a kaomoji that imploded and I think it adds to things this way so I am leaving it as God intended

The girls are so beautiful................

I ordered it a long time ago (before I knew I was going to move) so I was worried it wouldn't get here in time. Thankfully, it did, and it looks soooo beautiful...

I'm kinda sad that I won't be able to display it properly until after we get set up after moving. But it will be the first thing I put up around my desk area.... ahhh... beautiful... more Cloud Strife in a dress please. Please. Please.

I am begging any and all Final Fantasy VII fans make Cloud in a dress / female Cloud merch I will lov e you forever, this is what the world needs right now.

warning for disjointed rambling and spoilers for remake trilogy

I had really strange dreams this morning inbetween when we had to be back at the hospital. It took place inside Hojo's labratory, I was telling Serena about things that were happening and I got all uspet because I was pretty sure that, in the dream, they were talking about Glenn Lodbrok and making him *more* canon. Which I am already upset about. I really don't like him and it's not even because he threw the locket into the abyss it's because I know that he is going to be the big thing that ties together all of the new canon of Remake and we are all going to have to be dealing with the consequences of that for like ever. When Glenn was just a mobile game character he was not that threatening, it felt like, well, equivalent exchange: I get to see Zack Fair in a Monster Hunter outfit, I get to collect outfit tags for characters and surf through them. But then they put Glenn in the main game. I keep thinking about the big chapter they dropped of The First Soldier and the implications. I'm calling it that they are going to make Rufus's dog part of this long standing backstory. All we wanted to know, all we wanted from the remake was for it to be as silly as Crisis Core and to answer questions like: what do SOLDIERs eat, what do the barracks look like? Can we get more insight into Angeal and Genesis's backstories? Well, apparently, yes, only in a mobile game, and some point in the future, and it also is part of Glenn being a super important character (cyborg?) I don't know man the difference between the Remake and the Original game is night and day and it makes me *sad*. Don't even get me started. It is pretty funny in a way. At the very least, the Remake and Rebirth bring with them commercials, new merch, fanart, fanfiction, new material for me to chew on... like I'm grateful don't get me wrong..................... I sound like such a WHINER in these LOL.

But the best part of my dream that I will say here: was that Tseng was there and perfectly in character and really nice and he just feels so much like he is my friend so it's nice when it feels real like that.
I think people who ship Tseng/Aerith are the cutest kind of people like I'm more of a Zerith person myself (not that anyone is asking) but it's really cute to me. I think people who are super into the Turks in general are so fun and cute. Hard to find in the wild, but they're out there. Great stuff they're making.

For all my complaining about Glenn, there are a handful of Japanese girlies out there that have adopted him and have been making really cute fanart and I think if they keep doing it I'll prolly eventually accept him as being real. UNLESS.... unless.... they make Glenn Cloud's dad which they are gonna do. I read the little book that got translated recently and Cloud's mom in it is like "your daddy said that if you had 5$ you could do anything" and that's basically all Glenn would say in The First Soldier or whatever. Wait. Is it called that. I always confuse the chapter name and the name of that fortnite clone they tried to do that I unfortunately never played before it blew up (negative). Dead.
I';m all over the place because I had a really weird day and I'm dissociating and I am using whatever means at my disposal to just make it through July into August. I am off of the lease in August so that is future mes problem of figuring out where I will be going but at least that means by August 2nd stuff has to be figured out so THEORETICALLY by August 2nd everything is sorted out and all happy happy fun fun smiling laughing having fun playing.

And if it's really bad that is OK cos I can just let my brain go overdrive and get really into my mental landscapes and live there and I can just glaze over the real world and go to sleep until May when we will be LEAVING and then when we leave my masters program has a specific end date, which can become August 2nd TWO and then I can tell myself "oh it'll just like be magical happy happy fun fun when I get that piece of paper" Rinse and Repeat Maddafacka... .. . . . .. idk how else to live there has to be a better way but basically I am in a pit clawing my way up to the surface to the other side haha it's funny when I feel this weird.
I got my Wind Crystal roll for Four Job Fiesta but I never ended up even starting my run because I am still playing throuhg Final Fantasy II but also I haven't gotten onto the Dreadnought and no that isn't just because I found out that Minwu will never come back to my party (SAD!!!!!!!) it's because I really, really like the game and I want to play it when I'm happy because I can't play it again for the first time. But I have been very sad and sick recently so it's been too difficult to do.. but if I don't keep playing it I'm scared I won't finish it so I should do that, but it is really hard when there is so much going on. At least when I work on art I feel I am improving a skill and it takes me outside of myself and I have something to 100% focus on and I get to give it away to people to show that I care about them. I really like Artfight because I am way too scared to reach out to people and try to talk to people but giving them art I can connect with people and say 'you are important, even if I don't know you super well' but it isn't considered weird, I am sure if I randomly sent someone art out of the blue and didn't say anything afterward that would be considered really weird. I don't know why I am so shy it's because I'm anxious but it annoys even me. I can hear one of my Religion professors in my head questioning me about it all "what??? why???" when I told him I really wanted to talk to him but I was so shy and nervous. I don't know, it makes me stomach sick I'm sorry I really would love to talk to people and to say more in class Sir but I'm scared to. It makes me sound like such a baby but I am actually really the boss in my relationships (if you know you know) so I don't know why I am such a passive type of person. We are working on that.
Wait. This was supposed to be about Final Fantasy.

I had hoped to participate in Safari Week this year as well but the timing is always weird for me. Maybe next year.
I wish everyone could be friends.

Hi again!

I've been doing a lot of art fight because I'm trying to get things done now at the beginning of the month where I have more time rather than waiting til the end of the month when it is going to be crazy for me.
I have two more people left on my list of who I'd hoped to get so I feel really good about it and optimistic that I can get it all done.

Here is some stuff that I have done so far, I might post it somewhere else on my website at some point when I rework everything to have better gallery coding.

But that is a project for another time... LOL.

For AngelEyeSprings


For Ciel
I'm not very good at writing these things but to be fair I have had a lot going on in real life so the most I can mentally handle in terms of forward progression on website design is ponking little pixels into boxes. Speaking of boxes, we have started packing which is really surreal because 1) we don't have anywhere to move yet and 2) I thought we were going to stay here until we moved for graduate school in March. So it's pretty weird. I really liked this house. It does have structural problems but that comes with the territory of the town we currently live in. Other than a few minor compliants, it has served us really well, has been comfortable, I've felt safe here other than the fact that my family is way too close for comfort. So I'm sad that we have to let it go for some great unknown. I don't even know for sure what town we will have to move to because of the housing crisis. And the only place to search for rental properties is through Facebook Marketplace which is extra annoying because it's the "I know what I have" type of guys, outdated pictures, and all places that I can't even get a chance to go and physically see because its a 5 and 6 hour drive away. Lol. It's stressful, yeah.

A lot of other things that I won't discuss here (because I have to remind myself this is in public) have been really hurting my feelings IRL but I'm trying to focus on the things that need to get done and then just reminding myself that life is really, really short and there's nothing you can do about how other people are going to treat you. Everyone (minus Ciel) treats me like I am sooooooooo stupid, like there's some huge problem with me. I've thought about it a lot and the issue is that I don't participate in the games and social gymnastics nor do I ever want to. But it's always been this way. I've been problematically strange since I was a kid. And then it was small cookie stuff like I was too excited about something, too interested in something mundane, asking too many questions, drawing too much, or drawing in a weird art style, or liking music I wasn't supposed to like, God forbid singing it, it's all perfectly normal stuff for a ten year old girl, I get that now, but everyone acted like it was such an issue. Oh you like Beanie Babies and Pokemon too much, it's so weird. Why can't you be more like your sister and like Normal Things for Normal People and Let Stuff Go. I don't know. Part of me does wish I could let stuff go and put it away and still be a happy person. It would be really nice for my family to approve of me. I know I'm capable of rearranging my lifestyle, like physically capable, you know. Not that I would want to. The idea was that I was supposed to be lawyer, because I'm capable, I was supposed to do all this stuff with the way I look and maintain that, because I'm capable of doing that, technically. I feel like I hide 99% of myself from everyone IRL and it still isn't good enough because I'll smile too big at some point, or I'll speak when not spoken to on accident. Or maybe I'll wear a graphic tee. It really does matter. The reason why people have stopped talking to me is so ridiculous I won't even write it out here but nonetheless, it happened, and I can't really fix it now because it's spiraled out of control and I'm too weird to fix it. There's something psychic I'm supposed to just... inuit of what I am expected to do in this situation, and I know it requires a lot of money, that I don't have btw. Everyone else has their lives a lot more together than me, and I'm really embarrassed about that. Seriously, I am. But I'm really trying and making an effort in every way I know how. I'm not at these chapters in my life and some of them I don't think I ever will (re: caring intensely about the color and make of my back deck or getting a pool, or the politics of getting the right kind of purebred dog). I have a used beat up car that I'm barely managing to pay for, I'm still renting, I'm almost at the finish line of graduating from my undergrad but after that there's my masters and after that it is actually finding a job. But no one has perspective to see this I guess even though obviously my family knows I'm in school? It's hard because there is a lot of pressure from a lot of angles there and anyway. It makes me feel so small and stupid of a person because they all click together effortlessly. I don't want to be alone. I would like if my family liked me. I would like if I felt like I belong. I get really scared because Ciel is the only person I have in the entire world and what would I do if I lost her? I feel really lonely and scared. I wish I had more friends but I'm too dumb to even manage a Discord conversation and I don't know why I get so nervous but I guess it's because I know how strange I am and the longer I don't talk to anyone and keep everything in the stranger and weirder I get. I'm scared everyone will see through me or that everyone will resent me. It kind of comes true but I think that is more I've been a doormat for a very long time and I'm only learning recently to just........... let it go. And accept that I don't have family, or friends really that I talk to.
This is basically all stuff I told myself I was not supposed to put here anymore but I think it is fine because 1) I can delete the notification thing Neocities puts out (anxiety inducing) and 2) I'm being vague
I've given up on trying to make things work with my family and when I move I'm deleting my Facebook which will feel great because every dumb Facebook group chat message makes me feel like I want to throw up from dread. And I will be gone in March no matter what it takes, even if I have to sell everything I own, even if I have to take everything I own to the dump, even if I leave with nothing but the clothes on my back, regardless of if things work out with the people I'm depending on things working out with. I feel like so much of my life has flown by, that so much of myself has existed nested within me, quietly, and that I have barely lived at all. I've spent so much time twisted up in knots for other people. The life events that other people trace as being 'me' aren't things I identify with and are often very sad, but in a lonely way, that no one else knows but me. So much begging for people (my family) to care. So much work for nothing to show for it. I get really jealous of people that can just be totally free without having all the mental barriers and anxiety I have. And I know that sounds mean but I'm not like, mad at them for it I just wish I could too when I see people wear like PJs in public or like shout at their friends or sing like idk what is cool now or what tik tok thing is going around but the point is that I want to live like that too. And be honest about who I am and not take it like such a fatal blow when people don't like me, because they never liked me, and even if they did (friends in high school) they never even knew me and at this point that is SO far away and now this is really speaking to how maladjusted and internal I have been. I haven't even made friends with anyone at school. To be fair, I don't think it would work even if they were interested because our values are dramatically different I might as well be living in a different universe. But it is sad.

You just realize after a certain point that this is it and either you are going to die being afraid of ever being yourself or you are going to actually live. And people are going to be angry if you choose life and maybe that is because they can't, or because they think life is a straight line. I have all this regret and it is for nothing, it serves no one and the whole point shouldn't be about racing to the end, to the next week, waiting to get past the next big stressor.
Making crazy choices or chasing some dream, is what you owe yourself. Because yeah, you could fail and you have to accept that it is going to be difficult. You have to let a lot go which is really hard. But if you don't try you will never, ever know if it could have happened. Maybe you could have had that life you really wanted. I hope I can make it, I hope I can get there. I hope I can get to live in the life of my dreams, even if it is just for a moment.
And if I crash and burn, well, it beats living in a concrete jungle where it always rains, where I'm the families jester and I'm waiting for someone else to save me.