This month we decided to watch Kingdom Hearts stuff. We started shipping Roxas/Xemnas and then it turned into Roxas/Xemnas/Ansem and then Roxas/Xemnas/Ventus/Terra/Ansem/Riku and then it ... ->>> anyway it got ridiculous. I've avoided playing Birth By Sleep because I felt betrayed by 358 days. I know that sounds weird but I and II were my entire world. So when 358 was different from what I had built up (and I had gotten so invested) idk it was world ending in a sense. I was very unstable in 2008ish era. I was a teenager so had a lot going on. LOL. But yeah, so Ventus really disturbed me because I was like HOWWW can you kill Roxas... and that is him etc. et.c etc. BASICALLY...
So I decided to watch Da Good ol CUTSCENE MOVIE because you know when you're really stressed out and there is so much to do you don't have the 60 hours to invest in a JRPG sadly. Anyway, I was mind blown and a little intoxicated and it made BBS so intense for me that I became obsessed. Then came Dream Drop. And then KH III but not done that yet. But now I am obsessed big time again. It's weird because the town we moved to was important to me when I was that age that I was originally obsessed with Kingdom Hearts in the first place over ten years ago. It makes me appreciate Ciel so much because the contrast of how lonely I was then and how fufilling it is now to play with Ciel and have fun and joke around as I always wished I had... to have someone who can meet me there in imagination and reality, walking that thin line and weaving effortlessly between. It is delightful.

WHile things are really difficult and it is so hard to let go and change and accept that things were fucked up, broken, that you can't carry them anymore... in order for life to be different you have to change and change is hard...
it is important to really stop and consider how lucky I am now. I don't know how I deserved her becuase Ciel is everything I have ever wanted in my entire life. Thank you God. God listens to you, you know He really does.
Speaking of, end of Sept. I went down a rabbithole and it was my yearly bullseye one where I learn something new that makes me feel even more solid in my faith and in my relationship and in my own existence. They usually happen once a year and I never know when but it's cool. It's exciting.

OH And I was contacted by a fed which was funny. Writing this from the end of October (time travel) my professor wants me to respond to something she said so gotta run bye byeee