“What’s wrong, Judai?”
The soft voice that Judai was so familiar with, the melody of his best friend Johan, was all wrong, confusing and layered with tension and malice.
“Please, don’t look away from me.”
Judai shuddered, clutching his cards firmly between his fingers as though they could provide him with any support, any kind of stability in the face of this twisted manifestation his friend had become. Judai glanced at his options, but there really were none; this wasn’t a mere card game anymore, this was something that Judai couldn’t calculate or explain. There were no rules to this cruel punishment that seemed unending, unyielding. Although the blade of torture seemed dual-ended, impaling both parties, the thing behind the shell of Johan seemed to enjoy the devastation of it, the universal destruction.
“Stop this!” Judai yelled, sounding so childish, making every attempt to shield himself from the truth—from the reality that stared back at him in the form of Johan’s Halloween-orange eyes, glowing from the surreal, supernatural possession taking place in Johan’s soul.
“I’m only sharing with you…” Johan sounded so feminine, so delicate as he tore through the flesh of his arms like they were made of silk. The depths to which he plunged with his offending knife were so intense that no man could possibly perform it on himself—but Johan did. He cut swiftly and sharply, curling the end of the long vertical line with a curve that almost resembled a heart. Blood spewed forth, bursting like crashing swells of water, coursing down his wrists, rushing into his palms. He stared hauntingly at Judai, with an expression that better suited a distant pleasure or the anxiety of a confession. It made the violence seem impossible, unbelievable—how could it be real if Johan never reacted to it?
“Look at this,” Johan sounded ecstatic in a way that Judai had never heard before, raising his arms. They shook only from the biological shock to his system. “These are my feelings, Judai. This is my suffering. I’ve painted it so clearly for you.”
Judai tried to breathe but felt like he couldn’t. Whatever this was might have looked like something close to Johan, but it couldn’t be. Johan never moved like this, never talked like this. In the silence of Judai’s shock, Johan’s face twisted in displeasure, dramatically more than it had in inflicting such shocking damage to itself.
“Can’t you see?” Johan looked like he’d cry. Judai was hopeless in understanding why it sounded like Johan was begging when Judai was the one being held hostage. “Can’t you understand the depth of my feelings, Judai?”
The smoke of their wild arena curled around them, billowing in the gentle wisps of wind. The world was cloaked in a heavy, mournful shadow, over this landscape of ice and crystal that twinkled under the moon that hung heavy and low in the open air above them.
The creature within Johan breathed just like Johan after he’d ran for hours, that same little hitch catching in the back of his throat, the same as the one from when he was just so tired. But it came from lips that curled at the corners in the most uncanny way, from wide eyes facing forward, the wrong color, dark circles under them bleeding into Johan’s skin–had it ever looked so sickly and pale?
Judai knew every inch of Johan’s gentle features, his profound affection for his best friend ingraining all of the details to his mind even deeper than how he’d memorized all of his favorite cards or battle strategies. Johan was the most important thing to him, and here a vision of Johan stood, defiled, destroyed, bleeding in a way that would send any mortal man plunging headfirst into the grave.
This intimate knowledge of Johan, all of their treasured memories and the feelings that Judai could never admit to—not even to himself—made the next blow that the monster would spring upon him all the more devastating.
“I love you, Judai.”
Judai felt his heart stop from terror. With those words, he felt as though he was the one who had been stabbed. Judai’s mind was lost in the rush of precious blood that continued to flow from Johan’s reliable, tender arms, holding on to the horrific visual.
Johan had said it. He’d said everything that Judai knew, deep down, he’d always wanted to hear. Both the crushing truth of his darkest, most honest feelings and the manner through which this grave realization had been delivered to him sent his psyche whirling into madness. It was real, it wasn’t real—Johan’s lips had formed the words, his tongue had pronounced it—but had his mind truly meant it? Whatever spoke from within the barriers of Johan’s flesh certainly meant it; every syllable was intense, red-hot with a severe, raw emotion of the unyielding, undeniable truth. To the being that rested behind Johan’s eyes, this confession wasn’t merely its admission of a reverent sincerity but the absolute, highest law.
“Stop…” Judai pleaded weakly, the tears he was too shocked to shed audible in the way his voice wavered. “Please…”
Johan twisted with confusion. It stared down at the mess it had made of itself, at the cooling blood that stained the ice beneath his feet. Orange eyes questioned Judai, incapable of understanding his bewilderment. It had been so clear, so perfect. How better could it convince Judai of such an important matter, the single most important matter in the world?
“I really, truly love you.” This nightmare of Johan tried to express the feeling again, trying to wrap the present of his devotion in new paper so that maybe Judai could accept it. “I will love you forever. I will love you for all eternity, Judai.”
Judai shook his head hysterically, trying to back away but his feet failed him. He was frozen to this scene, helpless to defend his most cherished friend from the transformation that had overtaken him.
“Please, Judai.” It begged, whining in a way that lacked all humanity. “ Please . Can’t you understand my feelings now? Is this not enough for you, Judai? How can I prove myself? How can I prove my suffering?”
Before Judai could speak, the hands that once belonged to Johan were wrapping against his own throat, pressing down firmly, squealing at the pain of such a furious assault. It shed tears as it gargled against itself, but to whom the tears belonged to, Judai would never be able to discern.
“Stop…” It was a whisper at first, but as Johan began to tremble and sink to his knees, Judai's voice increased, rising in strength. “Stop. Stop! Stop! Stop!”
When the final shout resounded it sounded like the roar of a lion.
Johan’s eyes spun back to look at him, smiling, letting his hands loosen enough so he could gasp for oxygen.
“Yes… Give me all your emotion…” It purred.
“Stop using Johan’s body!” Judai cried, turning himself away from that look that Johan made, unable to stomach seeing his graceful features in such a degenerate insanity.
“Oh…” The pain was clear, the knife of Judai’s rejection carving its heart in fractions. “I thought you would like this more, my Judai… I wanted to be everything you wanted.”
“Don’t use him like this!” Judai sobbed in earnest at the peril of this situation. “He has nothing to do with this!”
“I’ve seen the way you look at him, Judai.” It smiled but it was filled with sadness. “The way you treat him so much differently than you’ve ever treated me. You can have us both. This boy wants this too.”
Judai groaned, feeling himself be ripped apart with the same unforgivingness that he had shown to this creature.
“He wants to be of use to you. I want that too, I need that. It is my only purpose for being. He was the perfect vessel for me, Judai.” It was on its knees now, crawling towards Judai who was frozen still. “I could never inhabit this flesh unless we shared the same love. Please, understand our feelings. Understand how we both suffer for you.”
Judai fell to his knees before Johan could reach him. Johan pushed him back, crawling on top of him. Thick, hot drops of blood splattered onto Judai’s chest and arms. Judai shook, hyperventilating. Johan had him pinned, staring down with a sick form of affection—a confusing, backwards love that Judai could never begin to understand.
But it was real. There was truth in Johan’s features, there was something about it that really did make what this being said have merit, there was a tenderness layered on top of this sick perversion that was all Johan’s own.
“We love you.” It said, this time with the tone of two voices speaking at once, in perfect harmony. Judai whimpered weakly, crying as his lips were captured in a kiss that claimed his soul as well.